Papa Strikes Back
– Thank you for choosing Papa John’s in Bismark. DUNKEY: HEEHAAA – Would you like to try our large, any-way-you-want it for only $14? DUNKEY: I would like one large pepperoni pizza. – OK. For delivery or carry out? DUNKEY: That’s gonna be for delivery. DUNKEY: Calling for Donkey Kong Country 1. DUNKEY: And if you don’t have it, I’m gonna tell my mom on you. – OK. I’ll see if we have that. – Country… – Now this is just going to be from our website, – So, you’d come in-store, we’d order it from there, and we’d ship it to your house. DUNKEY: Uh, yeah, that’s not gonna cut it. DUNKEY: I’m telling my mom on you. – OK I hope she’s not too upset with me.
DUNKEY: Here she is. DUNKEY: She’s pissed. DUNKEY: [ gruff voice ] Hello?! DUNKEY: It’s me. I’m his muddah. – Oh, wow. Hey. DUNKEY: I’m furious. DUNKEY: He just wants Donkey Kong Country 1 for the Super Nintendo. – We can order it for you.
– DUNKEY: I’m FUR– DUNKEY: [ normal voice ] Hey, it’s actually me still. – Oh man, you tricked me. – You got me good. DUNKEY: [ laughing ] I got you, man. – Look at you. – Pizza Telegraph, this is Gina. Would you like to try two large, two topping pizzas for $20? DUNKEY: You gonna go see that new Star Wars coming out? – Uh, who is this? DUNKEY: Uh. This is Jabba the Hutt – I don’t know you. SKY: Yeah, I don’t–I don’t know if that’s gonna be big enough. SKY: The problem is, um, one of my friends, he’s trying to be the world’s fattest man. SKY: And we’re trying to feed him as much as we can. DUNKEY: [ from afar ] I’m hungry, man! Get some pepperoni on those motherfuckers! SKY: So, I’m thinking, maybe like fourteen. SKY: How long do you think that would be for delivery? – Uh, can I get your phone number?
DUNKEY: [ from afar ] Get some breadsticks, motherfucker! SKY: Yeah, yeah. My phone number is… DUNKEY: Get some! The breadsticks are FREEEEE! SKY: JASON! SKY: I’m sorry, sir, just give me a minute SKY: JASON! SKY: SHUT THE FUCK UP. – Thank you for calling The Old General, may I help you? DUNKEY: Hey, you’re gonna see that new Star Wars right? – Nope. DUNKEY: Come on. – Don’t like Star Wars. – Thank you for calling Little Caesar’s, how can I help you? DUNKEY: Hey, it’s, uh, Rich, from head office. Uh, who is this? – Uh, this is Dalton. DUNKEY: Alton? – Uh, Dalton. DUNKEY: Oh, Dalton, OK. DUNKEY: Dalton, I need you to go to the back room for me quick. DUNKEY: Do you guys got a printer? – Uh, we do. DUNKEY: I’m gonna need you to go in that back room and I’m gonna need you to print out a nice big 10×10 photo of a giraffe. DUNKEY: And I’m gonna need you to tape that to the front door. DUNKEY: OK? DUNKEY: It’s part of a new policy we’re doing this week – O-OK. – I’m taking a picture of what? DUNKEY: I just need you to go on Google images and just, uh, look up just any picture of a giraffe. DUNKEY: And I’m gonna need you to tape that to the front door. DUNKEY: Uh, we’re just doin’ this for all the stores this week. – OK. Uh, I can do that. DUNKEY: All right. Thanks. – All right. [ phone ringing ] – Thank you for calling Papa John’s in Belouxi, can you hold for a minute please? DUNKEY: I’m a beaver. [ hangs up ] – Thank you for calling Wakefield Pizza Ranch, this is Bonnie.
[ phone ringing ] – Uh, this is Portas Pizza Ranch, you called me but the phone is still ringing and our conversation–
[ phone ringing ] – Thank you for choosing the Appleton Pizza Ranch, would you like to try one of our specials?
– I have no idea what’s going on. – I have no idea what’s going on, either. – All right, sorry about that. – OK. – Sorry.
– Bye. [ two hang up ] – Hello? – Hello? DUNKEY: You’re late. – Thank you for calling Party City in Mariam, where nobody has more party for less. – This is Christina, how may I help you? DUNKEY: Hey, do you guys got, uh, Super Mario stuff? – Yeah, we do. DUNKEY: Yeah, I hate Super Mario. DUNKEY: Uh, do you guys got Jurassic Park? – Yep. DUNKEY: I HATE Jurassic Park.
– More like Jurassic World. DUNKEY: Um, how about the Avengers? DUNKEY: Now, I like the Avengers. – Is this a joke? DUNKEY: Do you guys have Avengers stuff? – Yeah, we do. DUNKEY: I HATE AVENGERS! – [ laughing ] Who are you? DUNKEY: What about Star Wars? – Do you hate Star Wars? DUNKEY: Do you guys got Star Wars? – Yeah. DUNKEY: [ whispering ] I hate Star Wars. [ ringing ] DUNKEY: Hey, you gonna go see the new Star Wars? – Heck yeah. DUNKEY: Me too, man. I love Star Wars. [ ringing ] – Thank you for choosing [ speaking too fast to comprehend ], what can I get you today? DUNKEY: Hey, this is Mr. Doodoo Caca Weinerpants. DUNKEY: I would like to order one large doodoo pizza. – Oh, lovely! Now would you like that with– [ hangs up ] – Yeah, this is Sally. DUNKEY: Yeah. – Yeah.
DUNKEY: You own the store. – No. DUNKEY: I’m comin’ down there for a pizza, right? DUNKEY: And I’m over there. DUNKEY: And this guy comes up to me. DUNKEY: And he says you guys don’t carry pizza, right? – We don’t carry pizza. DUNKEY: Yeah, so he was wrong, so, right? DUNKEY: So I can come there and get a pizza. – No. We don’t sell pizza here. DUNKEY: Yeah, I knew it. I knew you guys had pizza. DUNKEY: But he–but he told me–
– No, we, we– – We don’t have pizza. DUNKEY: Yeah, I know you do. DUNKEY: But–
– No, we don’t. [ Dunkey laughing ]