The Theft Protection

Myths and Facts About Identity Theft

Today, the gamer
becomes the game. Let’s talk about that.( music playing )Good mythical morning. Today we’re gonna channel
our inner gamers by playing a game
with Markiplier while we’re
all speech jammed, and then I’m gonna
test Link’s knowledge of the most ridiculous
indie games out there. But first, typically
when you play a video game, you are in control
of the character, – Mm-hmm.
– but have you ever
played a game where you are the one
that’s being controlled? Mm mm! Well, that’s what
we’re about to do! It’s time for… Welcome Markiplier
to the show! – ( applause )
– Whoo hoo hoo! – Thanks for being here, man.
– Hey, no problem. – It’s been a while.
– Yeah, about two years now. – Yeah.
– Three almost, actually? Since you’ve been in
the Good Mythical zone? Yeah, was it
2014 or 2015? – That could be the case.
– Goodness gracious,
it was so long. Every two years,
that’s all you need of us. I just said, I think
it was three years. – Small doses, man.
Small doses.
– But I miss you. – Please.
– Let’s make it
a regular thing! All right, now you
are well-practiced
at controlling games, but today, we’re reversing
the roles. How do you feel
about being the game? Depends on what you’re
gonna do to me. – That’s a good question.
– So, you know. A lot, I think. I didn’t know that I
was gonna be the one
being controlled. Well, we’re all
gonna take turns.
I’m gonna go first. – Oh!
– Here’s how this
is gonna work. So I’m going first,
and I’m gonna be wearing a body cam,
so you guys can see my world, – ’cause I can’t see.
– You’re basically our puppet. – Yes.
– Our avatar, in this round,
then we’ll switch it up. – So you ready?
– Yes. Link:Okay, Rhett
is in the game zone.
He cannot see
or hear anything. All he knows is that he has
a water gun in his hand, and he is about to play
“Call of Shooty:
Infinite Cheddar.” ( snickers ) – That is the worst name…
– ( laughter ) – …I have ever heard.
– ( laughs ) No, it’s not, because it– there’s cheddar cheese
in the gun. Yeah, yeah, you guys
told me about that. ( laughs )
It didn’t help? No. Well, I mean, I’m always happy
to be on this show,
don’t get me wrong. But when the whole concept
is we have to shoot cheddar into the mouths
of three… – Yes.
– …”volunteer”
crew members… – They volunteered, yes.
– Yeah, okay, yeah. And, we–
Rhett can’t hear us unless we push this button.
Can you hear us? Yes. Can you hear me now? – Mark:Nice.
– Link:See, he can’t, okay.– Proof.
– So, um, the only things we are allowed to do
are say “up,” “down,”
“left,” “right,” – and “shoot.”
– Yeah. He’s not gonna
move around, so… All right, Rhett,
are you ready? Yes, and I am
holding this gun right in the middle of my body,
which is not normal, but I think
this will help you be able to see
where I’m aiming. Let’s bring in the first
Mythical crew member. Link:That’s Chase.
He volunteered.
Yeah, Chase looks
super happy to be there. – ( laughter )
– Mark:Yeah,
I’m sure Chase got a bonus
in his paycheck
for this maneuver.
No comment.
Chase, open your mouth.We should say “right.”
I don’t know.
( stammers )Mark:Wait, if we’re saying
– Link:Oh, he’s moving up.
– …why do we have
this thing here? I don’t know,
this is worthless. Here, get rid of that.
Okay. Mark:
Okay, all right, right.
– Link:Oh, goodness.
– ( laughter ) Link:Left, left, left, left,
left, left, left.
( keeps repeating “Left”)Right.Oh! Left.( whispers )
Right. – Oh, yeah, that’s it
right there.
– There, we got it. Up.
Ready to shoot? – All right.
– And… shoot!( both groan )– Link:Down, down.
( Mark laughs )Link:And, shoot!Chase, you can’t
duck when it’s going
in your mouth. I have no idea
what’s happening. The rightiest right.Shoot.– Aah!
– ( laughter ) Link:Left.And… shoot!( cheering ) Link:All right,
sit tight, Rhett.
Right there, right there. Send in
the next contestant. Mark:Now Alex
knows what’s coming.
( laughs )
– He volunteered.
– Yeah, I’m sure, yeah, okay. Link:Right.Left.– ( laughter )
– Link:Down.Shoot!– Mark:Whoo.
– Link:Down.Mark:
Catch that backswing.
Right. Shoot.
Left. Shoot.I was just trying
to hit him in the balls. ( laughter ) You give it a shot. Up. – Little down.
– “Little down”
is not on the thing. – You can’t say “little.”
– Shoot. –( Mark grunts )
– Link:Try again.Mark:Down.Shoot.– ( applause )
– Mark:I’m so sorry!All right, send in the last
Mythical crew member.That’s Mike.
He volunteered.
Yeah. You know, the way
he’s crossing his arm,it does not seem
like he’s volunteering.
Link:Right.Oh, he’s spinning.
– ( laughter )Left.Uh! Stop.And… shoot! – Mark:Ooh, yeesh!
– Link:Down, down.Shoot.– Oh, so close!
– Down.And…Shoot.Oh, that’s a little low.
You try.
Oh, it’s in there!Mark:
The spit, I like it.
Mark has some
thumbtack gloves onand he’s in front of a wall
of liquid-filled balloons.
Some of them are orange
and contain orange juice.
The goal is to pop
five orange balloons to create pure,
unadulterated orange juice. Of course, the other colors
have different liquids, which may be nasty,
and if they’re punched they will enter
the concoctionthat he has to drink
at the end.
When he’s popped
five orange balloons, the game is over. There’s “tilt up,
“tilt down,” “step left,”
“step right, “left punch”
and “right punch.” Do the honors, Link. –( video game music )
– Step right.Tilt up.Rhett:Oh, that’s
right in the middle.
– Link:Step left.Oh.
– Rhett:Punch right?Link:Right punch.( laughter ) Link:
Great job, Mark.
– That didn’t sound good.
– ( laughter ) – Okay, uh…
– Good try. Rhett:
Small step right.
“Small step”
is not a thing. Rhett:Right punch.Yeah!– Link:Step left.
– Okay. – Link:Step left.
– Ooh. – Link:Step left.
– Ooh! – Link:Step left.
– Ahh. Link:
Tilt down. Step right.
Ooh. Step left.You’re horrible
at this game. – ( laughter )
– Punch– –Left punch.
– Rhett:What?Mark:I don’t feel
confident about this.
I– well,
it’s right there. Rhett:
Step left.
Left punch.– ( laughter )
– Link:He’s got two, though.– That’s two orange ones.
– We’re not laughing at you. We’re just, uh,
laughing at you. – Rhett:Right step.
– Uhh… No, it’s my turn. Too much.
Left step. Link:
Right step.
Right step.
– ( grunts ) Link:Left punch.– I got nothing.
– ( laughter ) Get closer. Link:
Left step, left punch.
– Rhett:Aw, sweet.It smells bad over here. – It smells bad.
– Tilt down.Right step.Right punch.See, that’s how it’s done!
– Link:Tilt up.( grunts ) – Link:Uh…
– Rhett:Go for that one
way up there.
Left punch.
Hard left punch. ( laughter ) Link:That was
a little short.
( groans ) His arm’s
not long enough. Hey!
Hey, I heard that! Oh, you’ve got
the button pushed.
( laughs ) – Tilt up.
– Just ’cause we all weren’t made tall freaks
like you guys. ( laughter ) Rhett:
Hard left punch.
( laughter ) – Mark:Did I do it?
– Rhett:Is that five?– That’s five!
– That’s five. All right. Remove your blindfold,
but do not poke your eye out. Poke my eyes out,
got it. Link:All right,
so we have made–
– Oh. ( laughs )
– Link:We have made
a concoction
that includes
five orange juice balloons.
– ( laughter )
– Mark, go ahead and bring– Yeah, bring
the juice back over. Bring the cup over here.
Punches were fierce, man. Thanks, man. Your insults
were fierce, too. – ( laughter )
– I didn’t know he was
holding the button down. Ow!
( chuckles ) Oh, that was good. We just wanted you
to bring it over here so we could
watch you drink it. – All right.
– You actually got some
orange balloon in there. – I mean, that’s extra special.
– Thank you. I’m gonna try to put this
where it’s not horrible. – So it looks orange.
– All right. So how much
do I have to drink? Taste the fruits
of your labor. – Just taste it.
– What, uh– should I– I don’t know.
Don’t know what else
is in it. I see floating
particulates that are not orange. – You like pulp?
– I do like pulp. All right.
Cheers. – Whoa, daddy!
– ( laughter ) – That’s not good.
– ( laughter ) Okay, Link is going
to be playing a game
called “Angry Baker.” And our angry baker
is Jen,who will be throwing
cupcakes at Link.
You know she’s
his arch-nemesis. ( laughter ) – I don’t know that.
– Yeah, you don’t know
the story. The story is that recently,
Jen threw a full bag of flour very hard at Link’s face. Oh! ( sound slowed )
Oh! So now, Jen will be
attempting to up her anteby throwing a collection
of cupcakes at Link.
And we can tell him
to “duck,” “jump up,”
“jump left,” or “jump right” in order
to dodge her cupcakes. If he gets hit five times
he loses. Is she trying to get him
in his mouth, or– – I think she’s just trying
to make contact.
– Okay, all right, gotcha. Link, are you ready
to obey our commands? – Link:Yes.
– Very quickly obey. Jen, whenever
you’re ready. –( video game beeping )
– Rhett:Duck!– What? Duck?
– Mark:Terrible advice.I don’t think “duck”
should be the first one
that you go for. ( all talking,
laughing, at once ) You’re doing great.
You’re beautiful, man. –You’re doing wonderfully.
– Rhett:Left!( laughter ) What the crap? Mark:
We can’t see, look up.
Jump right!
Okay, Link,
new strategy. Just– we’re gonna do
constant movement. Jump up.
Jump left.Jump right.
Jump left.
Jump right.
Hey, he jumped left.
– Mark:It’s good, it’s good.
– Rhett:Duck!( laughter ) – Sorry.
– Am I facing the right way? – Mark and Rhett:No!
– Rhett:Turn right.Turn right, turn right.Okay, stay.
Jump left!
( laughter ) How do you you
jump jump? ( laughter ) Rhett:Okay, Link, we’re gonna
simplify your commands.
We’re just gonna say
“left” and “right.”
You don’t have to jump.You just have to move
left and right, okay?
My foot’s sticky. Rhett:Left.– ( both laugh )
– Rhett:Left!( laughter ) Rhett:Right.Aah! – Collar bone!
– Okay, all right, that’s four.Stay still.Just stay
perfectly still. Mark:
I think our strategy
is Jen can’t aim,
so you’re great.
– Who?
– Nobody. – ( laughter )
– Hey! ( laughter ) That’s five or six. Hey, Link, take a look
at who’s been throwing
those at you. – My nemesis.
– ( laughter ) – Want another one?
– No. Well, Mark,
thanks for helping me
put Link through that. Oh, no problem.
That was oddly satisfying. Yes, it was.
Hey, and we’re not done
with Markiplier yet. Stay tuned to watch us
play “Overcooked” while speech jammed.Raise your hand if
you’re a mythical beast.
Now use that hand to type
into your search bar,
because that’s where
you can buy
this “I am
a mythical beast” shirt
right now.

100 thoughts on “GAMER CONTROL: Markiplier

  1. I just can’t stop laughing at the way Link turns to Mark at 1:52 after that pun 😆 reminds me of when my dad tells a joke and looks at us for confirmation that it was funny

  2. Should’nt they have been the ones who had to drink it?
    Bigger incentive to get it right

    *..idk: funnier the way they did it?

  3. Episode is video game themed and links jaket is reminiscent of Leon’s from resident evil 4. Not sure if that was intended or not

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