The Theft Protection

Myths and Facts About Identity Theft


I have to take a quick second.
We’re having a problem
with one of our P.A.s
Uh, Johnny, the P.A.–
he said he’s stressed out a lot.
And I want to talk to him a bit,
because he’s a bit
of a loose cannon.
John, are you back there?
Hey, Johnny,
are you vaping, man?
Well, uh, that’s bad for you.
Ah, they won’t let me smoke
in the office,
so I clipped this bullshit
from some kid’s wallet.
(clears throat)
And what’s our, like,
stealing-stuff policy? I mean…
Oh, what’s our policy on it?
Yeah. A policy.
Like, are we cool with it?
Are we narcs?
What is it?
We’re cool with… we’re cool
with you not stealing.
It’s cool.
Hey, what’s our, uh, health
insurance policy, by the way?
I mean, does it cover Viagra?
’Cause if it does,
I mean, I’ll stop stealing that
stuff out of your desk, or…
(laughter)
Yeah, I’d rather
you not steal it.
I mean, there’s, like,
hundreds. Hundreds.
-Yes. -All right, you’re not
gonna miss ten, are you?
I mean, come on.
Well, I hear you’re a little
stressed out about, uh, work.
Is this true?
You know,
I had a full head of hair
when I started this thing
like, uh, two weeks ago.
-This isn’t genetics. This is
stress, David. Stress. -Yeah.
-You got to learn
to relax after the show. -Yeah.
Do you, like, want to hang out
after the show or something?
’Cause I’m totally there.
I’m on blood thinners,
but I could still
drink you under the table.
(laughter)
Tonight’s not good for me.
-(laughing)
-(laughter)
(laughs):
I’m kidding.
I’m kidding.
Seriously, I can’t go anywhere
with this ankle monitor
they got on me.
-(laughter) -I mean it’s
home and work, and that’s it.
I mean…
Hey, by the way, uh, what’s
our policy on uniforms and such?
Is it cool if I wear,
uh, cutoffs?
Or what’s the deal?
Yeah, I think those
are called Daisy Dukes,
and I’m not cool
with them at all.
Hey, good luck
with everything, Johnny.
Uh, I hope everything
works out well.
-It’s not going to, Dave.
-(laughter)
(laughs): All right.
Tuck your balls in.
I’ll talk to you later.

50 thoughts on “David Spade is Stressing Out His PA, John Farley – Lights Out with David Spade

  1. when he put his foot on the box I thought he was going to lose Daisy and the Dukes out the leg of those shorts.. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  2. Well…well….look who came to bless the tik toks, current water and personality champ…non other than ya' main mommy Tina. They are not worthy..

  3. THIS IS THE FUNNIEST & BEST THING I HAVE SEEN IN YEARS …… i have to say that since the 2016 election COMEDY CENTRAL SUCKS ASS and so do all these newer UNFUNNY POLITICALLY CORRECT COMEDIANS ….. they are all either black , gay , female (NO STRAIGHT WHITE GUYS) and they all talk about shit ……like making fun of white people in a racist sick way or they talk about their smelly vaginas or political hatred for Trump (which reflects on all of us that voted for him , you know more than half the nation) !! I bet David's show has the most ratings on that shit racist / biggot'd leftist channel . CONGRATS ON THE NEW SHOW DAVID !! #SALUTE

  4. John Farley is funny… I think this might be the funniest of the Farley brothers without doing a loose imitation of Chris. This guy should be doing more comedic character and supporting work like in Sandler films, or maybe even SNL.

  5. Mr Spade if your show was on some other channel I’d watch but…you’re on commie central sooooo and for anyone that doesn’t like what I said f ck you.

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